We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
