I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
