Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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