i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
