Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
