when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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