New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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