Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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