If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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