you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
smell my finger.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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