I'm sorry my penis didn't work
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
