My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
