Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize