Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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