You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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