dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
