We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
