last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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