I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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