Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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