I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
