Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
he quoted the bible to break up with me
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
