He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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