how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
