idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
you inspire me to be a worse person
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
