don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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