I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
