I showed him my bush... on skype.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
