im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
