Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.