I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
