there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle