tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My vagina is officially offended.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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