Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
