that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...