went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.