im drinking this country out of the recession.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.