please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
come find me please
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.