I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Drake has all the answers
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.