What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
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Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
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Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.