i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS