She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
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Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.