Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation