Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
