We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
