just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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