Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
