Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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