I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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