if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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