Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
