isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
