Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
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He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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