I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
