Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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