Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
