"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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