i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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