just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
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Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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