the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
