Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
