I am in a vortex of obligation.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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