Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
