is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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