is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
