I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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