he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he shaved USA in his pubs
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
