she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
