i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
