My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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