I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
is it fun? or sober?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize