Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
