he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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