Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
