I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
