I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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