k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
well you can't waste a boner
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
she peed on how many people?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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