my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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