I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
