im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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