Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
accomplished twins. life is a go
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
