My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
how does that bad decision feel?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
