If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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