Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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