its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
