it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
