I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
