I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
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We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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