so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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