i don't like sucking hair
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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