This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
