I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
