ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
