Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
