I never want to see another naked old woman again.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
