Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
