I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
