She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
