I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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